


Seto's Diary or "How I started to hate fruits"

by Blutkatze



Category: Yu-Gi-Oh! Duel Monsters (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Diary/Journal, Drama Queen ahead, Hints of Puzzleshipping, It's really subtle but it's there, Kaiba hates fruits, Kaiba is overreacting A LOT, M/M, Mokuba is sadly going insane as well, OOC, Parody, post dsod, this is meant to be funny
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-06
Updated: 2021-01-06
Packaged: 2021-03-17 01:29:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28591791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blutkatze/pseuds/Blutkatze
Summary: A parodic timeline of how Seto Kaiba slowly descends into madness after he cannot succeed against Yugi and his Fruit Magician Girls.
Relationships: Mutou Yuugi/Yami Yuugi
Comments: 5
Kudos: 15





	Seto's Diary or "How I started to hate fruits"

**Author's Note:**

> I have written this shortly after I watched DSOD for the second time and had references for all the different Magician Girls and after I was howling on the floor when dubbed Kaiba asked Yuugi if he wants to beat him with fruits.
> 
> Currently set as completed because honestly this could go on and on, but at this point I have no clue how to continue. Wasn't planning on publishing this but we talked about it on our YGO Discord Server and after rereading I had a good chuckle and thouhgt "Maybe this IS funny enough to be published". (You should cherish the moments when you are proud of your work, regardless how small it is!) 
> 
> And here you go. Hope you enjoy! 
> 
> (I only proof read it twice, so there might be some mistakes here an there. Sorry for that!)

**Day 1:**  
I returned from my trip to the Dimension of the Pharaoh just in time – right as I planned it. Unfortunately I couldn’t beat Atem. Somehow he was able to change his deck; something about “new abilities” in this Dimension. Either way, I need to fix my deck until I returned. I will beat him, and if it takes years to do so.  
  


**Day 3:**  
Today I arrived in Domino again. Nothing really changed, that’s good. The new system are working well, and the new Duel Disc collects the data like I planned it. I love when my plan works! Mokuba was glad to see me again. He was afraid that my experiment wouldn’t be successful and I won’t come back. I know about his worries and I appreciate it; he is my brother – but it is unnecessary. He told me about Yugi Mutous attempts in game design, and that it looked quite good. It wouldn’t surprise me if he would create a rather successful one. He has quite the experience in gaming – thanks to the Pharaoh. But still, since the first day I met him he evolved to something… good. In fact, he nearly beat me with his stupid fruits.  
  
Nearly.  
  


**Day 4:**  
I checked the database for Yugi’s fruity magicians. Combined right it was a good strategy and difficult to beat it. And as far as I know Yugi and how much he loved his magicians and fluffy monsters he has a good deck to support them. But as ever I just know how to counter them.  
  
I realized I have put my effort in creating counter strategies in Yugi's Deck instead of the Pharaohs. But Yugi isn’t as skillful as him. He will be an easy enemy and soon I will defeat him entirely.  
  
Mokuba brought in some Snacks while I checked the database, but I didn’t eat. It costs time, and I need every minute to put my effort into these decks. Eating occupies my brain.  
  


**Day 5:**  
I created a core Deck to make fruit salad out of his magician girls and 10 variations so I would beat him definitely. Just look how the pharaoh will rescue you now, Mutou. I’d like to see again your Apple Magician Girl in front of my Blue Eyes again, crushing to apple pie. It won’t happen again that you will beat my dragons.  
  
I tried to focus on Atem's Deck again. But it was frustrating that I couldn’t remember his exact cards anymore he used to crush my deck. Yugi's fruitys have occupied my brain too much. I fear I will lose again when I’m travelling back…  
But I’m Seto Kaiba – who was I if I couldn’t come up with a better deck?  
  
Mokuba brought some apples in between my studies, telling me to eat at least something. I tried one when he was gone and the system needed to work. It wasn’t tasty and reminded me more of eating dust. I had it tastier in my mind.  
  


**Day 7:**  
I finished my new Deck and was now preparing my second leave for the afterlife. Yugi refuse to duel me because he wants to focus on his game right now. As if he would make a semi-good game because he dueled me for one time only. He keeps occupying my mind and time and it is unnerving to tell the truth.  
  
Mokuba was persistent after he saw the apples in the trash bin. After seeing this Apple Magician Girl and all those apples Mokuba brought me, their taste became fouler and fouler. With every bite I saw this red flying minx, laughing and taunting in front of my beautiful Blue eyes… I preferred starving instead. But Mokuba stayed in my office until he could witness that I was eating every single slice of them. I was disgusted by their taste, but I couldn’t send Mokuba away.  
  


**Day 9:**  
Asked where Mokuba got all those apples he got into my office. It was the second basket today and I started to give my employees an apple every time they came in. I noticed that this was quite often and that they occupied my time. I think I would fire some of those idiots if they couldn’t use their own brain by now. Anyway, Mokuba said that on the way to our office there was a small sellout from a farmer and he sold Apples. I already think about buying this sell out and building a small sell out with my products there. I’m sick of these Apples. Every little one reminds me of this red little witch…  
  
I need to clear my mind and focus again. In two days I’ll return to the Pharaoh and duel him again. And this time it will be the last time I’m going. Even if Mokuba was a really good businessman, he sometimes made false decisions. And I cannot fire my little brother here.  
  
Also I was thinking about a new tournament to get Yugi to duel me. I want to crush his deck like this apple I held in my hand.  
  


**Day 11:**  
I bought the farmers' sellout for a quite amount of money and the plans are to build a dueling vending machine in its place. This was out of plans and I can travel to my space station in 2 days. I hate it if somebody wasn’t able to do his job. Mokuba was sad that the farmer was already gone, he liked him and his fruits were always fresh. I flinched at the mention of fruits. Instead of fruit he brought a Bento Box so I would eat at least something. While eating we discussed what he has to do while I’m away. The Plans for the tournament will be on hold until I come back.  
  


**Day 16:**  
I’m back in Domino, cursing every person that dares to smile at me. No new strategy worked, this damned Pharaoh still won every duel. I even got down to accept a bet with him – I should've known it better. But it was simple. ‘Give this to Yugi’ he said while handing me a parchment role. It was after we talked about the tournament. I was sure that the Pharaoh longed for a good tournament again with his peepsqueaks of friends. But he has me for dueling, he should be lucky about this challenge I’m offering to him!  
  
Mokuba did a really good job while I was away. The vending machine will be there soon. I’m proud of him.  
  


**Day 20:**  
The tournament will start tomorrow, and surprisingly Yugi Mutou accepted one of the invitations I sent to him. Maybe the parchment roll the Pharaoh had for him did his job; I attached another invitation to it. I didn’t look at what Atem has written the peep, but it has done good. I concentrate on his fruity mages. I wonder if I should serve fruit salad at the buffet for the finalists. Mokuba brought some fruits today from a supermarket, talked about eating something healthy after my long abstinence in the Pharaohs Dimension. I realized I wasn’t paying any attention to the Pharaoh since today. Yugi Mutou and his mages claim every thought now. I need to get rid of this problem now. And fruits. I couldn’t see any fruit without thinking of the magicians. I wasn’t able to drink lemon juice this morning. A nasty “Sour makes you happy” with this mischievous grin popped into my mind.  
  
We will see how sour you can get, Yugi!  
  
Could I buy a supermarket chain?  
  


**Day 22:**  
_I. hate. Fruits!_ Every single one. Who have invented them? And why did Pegasus got the ridiculous idea to transform them into cards?  
  
Yugi beat me, entirely and without a doubt. Now it’s not only the Pharaoh any more – his vessel is my second rival. But I have to say, I wasn’t prepared best for this duel, even when I thought so. Seems that even my brilliant mind isn’t perfect. I didn’t count with other fruity mages; this time he used Berry and Kiwi. Like anyone on this planet likes Kiwi! If I didn’t hate it before already, then I would love to extinguish it’s existence from earth. For breakfast I saw Mokuba eat a Kiwi and it made me sick. I couldn’t eat anymore and decided to skip breakfast then. Why do I need food when I have money?  
  
After the duel I left as fast as I could, knowing what they would be serving on the buffet. I paid a lot of money for this, I didn’t want it to be in vain. If I could I would've set it on fire…  
  
I bought every single supermarket in a 5 miles radius around my HQ and the mansion. I closed it and gave the employees other jobs in my company. I don’t know what I will do with these buildings, but they won’t contain any fruits.  
  


**Day 23:**  
Mokuba complained about being hungry and that our cook wasn’t able to find any supermarkets in our area again. He asked me if I had my hands in that and I told him what I’ve done. He was somehow outraged and asked if something was wrong with me. I refused to tell him, it was none of his business.  
  
I’m thinking about a possibility to forbid those magicians from official tournaments. Maybe If I spent enough money or found a mistake they will be banished?  
  


**Day 25:**  
I wasn’t successful in banishing the fruit mages, but while I searched for a failure I stumbled upon another good counter. Why didn’t I get it earlier? Asked Yugi for another duel again and he agreed instantly; for his sake with no sick jokes.  
I began to redecorate my office. The colours reminded me of fruits and trees. I decided for an icy blue. Hopefully the work will be done fast. Decided to work on the rooftop instead. Was a bit stormy but it worked somehow.  
  
Mokuba came by and gave me a chocolate bar. He wondered why I was on the rooftop instead of another office but I didn’t answer him. I was too absorbed in my new strategy for Mutou. The chocolate bar eased some of my nerves. Was good to eat something sweet again. There wasn’t a chocolate mage, right?  
  


**Day 27:**  
There is a goddamn chocolate mage. And as if it wasn’t enough there is also another mage he didn’t play before! Why didn’t I get the idea to search for all kinds of mages that existed?  
  
Yugi beat me again but this time privately. Now I have to pay for his upcoming game. I need to remind myself to never make bets during duels again. Not with the Pharaoh and his "Mini-Me" Version.  
  
I threw the chocolate away Mokuba left me. I’m sure it hit someone on the streets after I threw it through the window. Now my office was a wonderful icy blue that fits me perfectly.  
  
I need to fire some people who snugged some fruits into the company. After this I reminded everyone that fruits are strongly forbidden, chocolate too. The cooks were complaining about what they should cook now. Told them that there are plenty of vegetables and fish in the seas.  
  
I saw that Mokuba did set an appointment for a doctor behind my back. I called to cancel it, said that Seto Kaiba doesn't need a doctor.  
  
I need to go back to Atem. My agony against fruits is getting on my nerves, and I found some interesting cards during my investigations for Yugi's deck. Maybe I could use them and it will cheer me up.  
  
I haven’t won a duel in a month. Damn fruits.  
  


**Day 35:**  
Atem's weak point was Yugi. He got quite mad when I told him some news about him, like his game development wasn’t on good terms and that he was still a peepsqueak. As a servant brought some fruits during our duels I couldn’t hold myself back and screamed at him. Even in this world they have fruits! The pharaoh asked why it was so disturbing for me to see fruits and I told him everything; that it was Yugi's fault that I couldn’t stand fruits and chocolate anymore, that I hurt Mokuba and that I’m not able to work properly because of god damn Yugi Muto! I ranted for some minutes and Atem got madder and madder and he threatened me that he would discard me from his kingdom. But he was out of focus and I could strike an attack and he nearly fell. But he still won our duel.  
  
I’m overthinking my plan on beating Atem first. Yugi is too deep in my mind to fully concentrate, and the lack of food is getting on me. Maybe if I beat Yugi first, I can concentrate on the Pharaoh again? He is – after all – the enemy I’m yearning to beat.  
  
Workers from the orchards in the towns around Domino demonstrated in front of my HQ, complaining that they couldn’t sell their fruits anymore. I bought all of them and I will cut all the trees down to build a new amusement park.  
  


**Day 36:**  
I nearly forgot that I had an appointment with Yugi regarding his new game. Wheeler was with him. I wasn’t really interested in his so-called ‘Next generation board game’, but challenged the mutt to a duel. And it felt good to beat someone again – even if it was Wheeler!  
  
I handed Yugi the package the Pharaoh gave me for him. This time I couldn’t keep my curiosity by myself and looked into it. Again it was a parchment roll along with two small figurines and a golden ring. Whatever that means. I told Yugi that I forgot his letter for the Pharaoh and that I will give it to him the next time. I also told this Atem, so he knew his vessel didn’t ignore him.  
  
Yugi wasn’t pleased with that, but the package made him smile again. He asked how Atem is doing. How should he be doing? He is dead and ruling over a bunch of dead people. He still has his overly complicated hairstyle and is still good at Duel Monsters. I didn’t answer Yugi's question if I was able to beat him now.  
  
He took his chance and asked if he could accompany me the next time I’m visiting him again. I instantly refused. Both of my enemies in one place? So they could discuss and exchange ideas for their decks? Never!  
  
But on a second thought, maybe I’ll find a way to beat both their decks in one duel? Or a deck created by them?  
  


**Day 37:**  
I worked through the night to find a possible deck that could be created by them and build a perfect counter deck. I mailed to Yugi that he can join as soon as we build a second ship for him – when he defeats me in a duel. I came up with another strategy and decided to build a deck without dragons. It hurts to discard my beloved Blue-Eyes from my deck, but maybe I’m able to beat him. I also thought about the fact that Atem could also be a weak point for Yugi, so maybe I’ll set our duel in a destroyed palace of the Pharaoh. It isn’t against the rules to have a special arena for your duel.  
  
Mokuba came home with some burgers, promising me that there was NO fruit on them. But there were tomatoes. Tomatoes are basically berries, right?  
  
Ended up eating the salad and the bun only.  
  


**Day 38:**  
Mokuba moved out, telling me that he cannot stand my diet anymore. Good, now I can concentrate on my business and strategies more.  
I think dueling both of the spikeys would be great. Found already 5 decks to beat them. Wheeler came by and asked me to duel. Again I accepted, I could use a little push on my ego here.  
Tomorrow will be the duel with Yugi again.  
  
My coat didn’t fit me anymore and I needed to nap. This isn’t good, I need the time to work. Also need a smaller coat.  
  


**Day 39:**  
No Dragons in my deck won’t work either. Yugi did counter my other cards as well. It was a short duel because I couldn’t concentrate; but it was enough to beat Wheeler twice.  
  
Mokuba brought me a bottle to my office and refused to tell me what it was. It was orange juice. If he wasn’t my brother, I would have gotten this bottle and shoved it up his butt. Threw him out instead.  
  
Thinking about getting Wheeler in my team, so I could test my strategies. And feel great again.  
  
Need to prepare a second ship for Yugi. Won’t share one with him.  
  
Got toothache and also bleeded. Orchards are now history and the theme park will be build. There will be no fruits and chocolate.  
  


**Day 54:**  
Took longer than needed to build that second ship for Yugi. He came by and asked for some advice for his game. Couldn’t give him one because his shirt remembered me on apples. Wheeler was with him again, and it was a close duel but I still won. I would still win if I was sound asleep.  
  
Yugi asked what he needed to join me on the journey, and if it was possible to carry something with him.  
  
Didn’t mind.  
  


**Day 56:**  
Tomorrow we will go to the afterlife. I invited Wheeler to duel him, he got better but still he didn’t win. Asked when I will come back so he would be ready for me. Whatever this may mean.  
  
The rent for the buildings went down, as many people are moving to other districts. “We need food”. How pathetic. There is online order, right?  
  
People are demonstrating against the new theme park because they want their nature and fruits back. Promised to plant more trees in the theme park.  
  
Still thinking about a duel deck for a one-on-two. It was somehow unfair but I have the mightiest cards ever, right?  
  


**Day 57:**  
It was a bad idea to bring Yugi along. I entered the throne room as always along with Yugi and as the Pharaoh recognized him he was up on his feet and in no time at his side. Yugi nearly cried as he embraced the Pharaoh; how pathetic. As I went through my strategies with my deck in my head and was about to challenge them I realized they left me. I couldn’t ask anybody for a direction to find them so I started wandering on my own; I will find them eventually. I heard their laughs echoing through the corridors, so the Pharaoh must give him a room tour or something similar. On the palace lake I found them, looking deep into each other’s eyes. I stepped in front of them and finally challenged them. They weren’t looking pleased, but accepted.  
  
It was the shortest duel I’ve ever had. As they cheered over their victory my mind came up with the cruelest methods to destroy their happiness, giving them the same feeling I have in my heart right now.  
But I am Seto Kaiba, I don’t use these kinds of methods.  
  
I challenged them again. And again. But they managed to counter all my cards and protect each other as if their life was on the line. They were a team. And in every duel they used Yugi's bakery equipment to defeat me.  
After the fifth duel they came to me, telling me that it was no use to try and beat them in a team; even separated they act as one.  
  
I turned around and left them behind. I will find a way.  
  
The servant that brought me some fresh fruits got a taste of them himself. _Screw all those fruits_!!  
  
But the worst was yet to come. As I approached the ship I couldn’t start the engine, stating that a passenger was missing and wouldn't take off without it. So I needed to wait for Yugi to arrive.  
  
We landed at the end of an orchard, with lemons and apples.  
  
I will never bring him along again.


End file.
